I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
