2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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