I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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