It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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