Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
