If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I love having hate sex.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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