All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
