meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
