she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
