Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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