I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
