oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
what day is it and did you see me today?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
