I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
