I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm both gender and math confused
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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