I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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