shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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