hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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