I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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