Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
