I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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