Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
