He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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