I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
His nipple licking is glorious
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