I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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