There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
