By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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