Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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