she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
