Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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