My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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