i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
