One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
