He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
