No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
