I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
