Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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