Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just got carded by a ten year old.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Randomize
