Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
