So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
