i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
