The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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