My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize