I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
