Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
