Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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