worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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