well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
