I'm going to jail i love you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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