We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
