so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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