what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
