Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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