And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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