Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The air was thick with penises
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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