my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
