mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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