What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
