They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
