I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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