I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
