I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
