and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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