My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
