Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
