Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize