Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
