my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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