I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
