I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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