the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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