Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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