Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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