Got a toothbrush?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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