how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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