you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
