Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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