Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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