I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
