super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
