i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
please don't ironically join a cult
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