Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
