when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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