Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
