He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
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