WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
