So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
