Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
