you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
