My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
