Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
