Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
