i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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