Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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