Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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