I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
