I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
