There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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