haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
