no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
