I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
