She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
