i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
