I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
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