She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Your cock deserves a montage
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think your dad took our porno
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
