i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
