Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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